Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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