This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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