i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
In America we eat man semen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
