Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
