im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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