i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
