my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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