Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
