Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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