Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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