how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
