his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BRING THE BAGELS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
