we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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