JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
