I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
