while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
