Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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