just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
