Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
