Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
