the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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