I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
