I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
