I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
