It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the day after is always just damage control
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
