Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
