the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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