Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
