How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
