Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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