Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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