I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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