My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
