I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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