So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
