conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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