I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
