Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
