2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
