I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
