Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
