Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
