This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
