woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
