I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
