probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
