Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we're making bets on your personal life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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