My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
