oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
