Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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